angan angan pengantin berbadan kong

Yesterday night, while having dinner after watching Sex, Violence and Family Values:

Saliheen: B! You gi tengok! You gi tengok Michael Chang punya Six Pack Shortcuts nye video!!! Baik gila... You gi tengok, b...

Me: What lah.....

Saliheen: You gi tengok! Badan dia baik gila! I dah try dia nya Six Pack Shortcuts, gila babi lah sak. You gi tengok!!!

Me: Ok fine, ok fine, I tengok. *whips out iPad*

Saliheen: Baik kan B?! Baik kan B?! Fuuuhhhhhhh... kalau I try work out macam dia and badan I macam ni bila kita kahwin... time akad nikah I pakai singlet je, B.

KAU DIAM.

(By the way, can I just say that I was pretty surprised that one of the supporting sponsors for Sex, Violence, Family Values is RH Bridal & Studios? Haha! I don't find anything wrong with it, of course, but I just couldn't see the link between a Malay bridal company and a controversial local movie about sex, violence and family values. Turns out there was a close-up shot of a Malay bride and groom sitting on a traditional Malay dais in one of the scenes so I'm guessing that's where the link comes in. Heh. And while I'm at it, can I just mention that I quite like RH Bridal & Studios punya dais and decor works? Pretty nice ones in their albums + I saw their decor live last week. Very nice, akak approve! No photo, no talk? You can take a look at some of their stuff in their Instagram account here.)

meet my fiance, mr groomzilla

Just when you thought mamat Melayu adalah golongon one of the most relaxed species when it comes to wedding planning...

Hahahahahahaha. Ah sedar diri jugak eh kau.

(And it's Fasha Sandha lah. Fasha Sanda siape pulak. Asal tak pok Fasha Sandar sekali, boleh sandar kat tempat duduk yang kau suka sangat tu.)

As much as I greatly appreciate having someone who discusses and plans and gushes over wedding-related items with me, kadang kadang - in the words of my Malaysian friends - macam nak kasi satu mangkuk hayun lah kat ini mamat - especially bila dia dah start dia punya "Kita must make sure the colour is this kind of shade tau, this kind of colour shade mana boleh match dengan that colour shade, those colours tak kena, kalau tak nanti..." Ewah ewah ewah MELAWAN TAUKE NAMPAK.

And you know how sanggul lintang / flowers in the hair can be one of the most important aspects for a bakal pengantin perempuan??? Ah, korang pernah tak dengar bakal pengantin lelaki merungut pasal his tanjak??? Pengantin lelaki. Merungut. ABOUT HIS GODDAMN TANJAK???

"B! Versari Ade punya tanjak tak besar seh... I nak tanjak besar! Tanjak kecik tak cantik."

"Eh, kau. 1st time eh dengar pengantin sebok pasal tanjak. Yang kau sebok pasal tanjak tu apesal???"

"EH tanjak is one of the most important aspects ok!!! I care about my tanjak!"

"Suka hati kau lah nak."

"... and I nak keris besar lah bb. Kalau Versari Ade takde keris besar, I nak beli keris sendiri."

"......................"

"*clicks through Facebook pictures* Keciknya keris Versari Ade ni, B. Kalau I pergi perang macam zaman orang Melayu dulu dulu, musuh tengok keris I mesti dia cakap "Yek 'eleh dekni""

"......................"

"Keris kecik macam gini puas hati I pakai keris keychain seh bb"

 EH DIAM LAH SIAK KERIS KEYCHAIN.

kau ingat ni main main ke ape

Earlier today, I asked my mat what gift I should buy for him (something that I can put on his dulang for our engagement):

Me: Think about it first ok... Just let me know at least a week before our engagement.

Mat: I nak menan.

Ah kan. Ambik kau. NAK TUNANG/KAHWIN DENGAN BUDAK LAPAN TAHUN SANGAT KAN.

(For those unfamiliar with budak kecik talk, it's a cutesified version of mainan, meaning toys.)

ring from the street

My mat making his dulang request after I grumbled that a wedding is a very expensive affair.

Mat: ..... ok for my dulang, I want that black and grey Louis Vuitton bag I told you about .....

Me: ..........

Mat: ..... thank you.

Me:  ..........

Mat: ..... ring I dari 77th street pun takpe.

Melampau kan kau.