rukun vs semasa vs adat

 Click image to enlarge.

(Source: By Shamsuddin Kadir via Syahirul.com)

Terms are in ringgit Malaysia but the concept applies. 

Actually, bernikah berkahwin tu sebenarnya tak susah, tak mahal dan tak membebankan, tapi adat istiadat, masyarakat and kita kita je yang buat sampai susah, sampai mahal and for some people sampai jadi membebankan, betul tak? Hur hur.

no henna, no go?

Whyyyyyyyyyy am I still so indecisive on bridal henna ni?!

This internal debate on bridal henna has been raging within me since the start of mankind (Ok ah, bedek ah, I only started thinking about bridal henna a year ago hahaha) but until now masih tak boleh buat decision.

I've blogged before about how I'm neutral about bridal henna (here) and it really is dependent on whether our parents want me to wear the bridal henna. When I asked my supermother who is also the mother of all rilek jek, she gave me one of her template replies "Suka hati kau lah Na..." 

She didn't even bat an eyelid when I asked "Abeh kalau ada tetamu tanya Ibu kenapa pengantin tak pakai inai, Ibu cakap ape?"! Her reply steady je: "Biarlah orang nak cakap ape, kalau dorang tanya Ibu, Ibu jawab je lah budak budak sekarang kan ada citarasa sendiri..."

Haiiiii sejuk hati ni bila dengar jawapan macam tu, I love you till the end of time lah supermother!

Actually the person we expected resistance from is my mat's mother since she's usually more inclined towards retaining tradition (she told us it is not advisable to "cut corners" when it comes to customs bila kita tanya for her opinion on scrapping sireh dara and bunga pahar) but she was surprisingly chill about it and said that it is up to me to decide whether I want to wear inai for our wedding. She did say that my mat is to not wear inai, though, which is more than fine with us since we didn't want him to wear any in the first place! Yay! Can I just say that I am really starting to love his supermother also?! Hehe.

I was pretty set on not wearing bridal henna sometime back and was quite ready to cancel my appointment with Syraskins but wanted to get opinions from my girlfriends first... but I think that turned out to be the salah step haha because it seems like everytime I ask a girlfriend, the reply will come in a form of a shrieky "Of course you must wear inai! If you don't wear inai macam bukan pengantin!"

Oh. Got such thing one ah??? Hahahahaha. Ok lah, I have to admit that I actually do understand where my girlfriends are coming from - this bridal henna tradition is so deeply ingrained in our Malay society, that macam takde "kick" if the bride tak pakai inai. But it was this acknowledgement yang brought me back to this state of undecisiveness lor! Plus a girlfriend once told me that I can try and get special bridal treatment and/or perks like freebies or discounts or room upgrade if I go to certain places for honeymoon or go for staycation after the wedding because some of the staff I meet along the way will recognize the bridal henna. Bah.

I tried looking through pictures of pengantins who did not wear bridal henna for their wedding and saw a picture of this one pengantin who didn't pakai bridal henna and she looked pretty ok to me...

(Source: Fad Manaf Photography)

Kalau tak pakai inai, kan boleh pakai french manicure!!! Heh heh heh heh heh

Ok dah, dah. Once again macam nak self-service je tampar diri sendiri eh! Tak nak pakai bridal henna sebab kononnya tradition Hindu, pastu nak pakai manicure! Step tak nak ikut tradition Hindu tapi nak terikut-ikut tradition omputeh. Perangai songsang. Asking to kena azan kat telinga lah this one. Haha.

Oh well. Even if I do decide to pakai bridal henna, I'll most probably do away with the intricate designs yang naik sampai lengan, sampai ketiak segala, (or design ikan koi or design dragon as previously suggested by my mamat hahahahaha siak ah ini budak) and opt for simple palm design and finger tips aje. Something like this:

(Source: Fad Manaf Photography)

Looks ok kan? Plus if I wash off the henna paste really quickly then the effects won't be as gelap and it will fade out faster, kan? That's how it works, kan? Also Googled for methods to speed up the fading process, and I got this and this. Ok, bookmark!!!

One of the reasons why I'm reluctant to wear henna (besides the whole religious controversy and the fact that I'm not really a fan of henna) is also because of our post-wedding photoshoot scheduled one day after the wedding - I don't want to have henna on my hands bila ambik gambar!!! Tried negotiating with my mat to postpone the photoshoot until the henna fades off but he's resistant to the idea. So menyampah when he starts his perangai rebel without a cause tu. Pfft. One option we have is to have a pre-wedding photoshoot... which is something that both of us are trying very, very hard to avoid. Personal preference, really, don't mind us.

I tried to Google the Islamic stand on bridal henna (in a bid to try and sway my decision) but I keep reading different views sampai pening sampai mabuk sampai nak muntah jadi nya. Ada say haram, ada say tak haram! How! How to decide like that! Cock up! Fed up! Give up! (Haha yes, well, obviously for some things it's best to refer to experts and not Google)

Giving myself until the end of the month to decide this. Kalau tak boleh decide jugak nanti aku half half kan je lah eh. Right hand pakai inai, left hand don't pakai inai. Kalau tetamu tanya, cakap je trend baru, budak budak sekarang kan ada citarasa sendiri. (Hahahahaha what what, this one my mother say one ok!)

permaisuri for a day (or two)

Super duper in love with sneak peaks of Norseha's siraman and solemnization pictures:
 

(Source: Aeqmal Huat Photography via Jentayu Gallery)

(Source: Kiera Roxanne)

 
Must have been a drop dead gorgeous reception bursting with traditional elements! Suka suka sukaaaaa.

(Kind of reminds me of my Indonesian cousin's wedding last year where they had the siraman exercise carried out, very proper, and very sarat with Javanese tradition - not sure if local brides-to-be still do this since I haven't seen or heard about it until now.)

I think sekarang most Melayu brides-to-be won't bersiram bermandi bunga berbadak berendam ni semua because most of us will go for bridal spa and massage sessions! Whiiiiiccchhh I'll be going for probably a few days before my wedding!!! I didn't really have any niat to book my bridal spa and massage anytime soon because it's something that can be easily done two to three months before the actual day since I already know which spa I want to go to. Buttttt as kahwin khronicles history (and all the histories in the world) has proven - kita hanya boleh merancang tetapi hanya Tuhan yang akan menentukan.

So this is how the whole thing happened - Went down to the Mega Xpress' Wedding & Lifestyle Exhibition last Friday evening with my mamat (he was the one who asked whether I wanted to go then suddenly wailed about how he has "turned into a BTB" LULZ) and found Spa Jelita at one of the booths! I've been asking around for reviews and Googling bridal spa and massage places in Singapore and the name that keeps coming up (in a good two-thumbs-up way) is Spa Jelita, so dalam hati jiwa dan raga memang dah tanam niat to book their bridal spa and massage services nearer to our wedding date. But lo and behold! Tengah jalan jalan aimlessly kat wedding exhibition boleh ternampak their booth right before my eyes, so that was such a lovely pleasant surprise.

Tapi yang buat lagi lovely pleasant surprise is their banner that showed a list of all their bridal spa and massage promos!!!!! SO APE LAGI...

Grabbed their 1-day bridal spa package called the Cleopatra Royal Ritual (Boleh feeling feeling macam Cleopatra, y'all! Tapi jangan sampai keluar spa raut muka and rambut semua macam Cleopatra y'all! Itu macam dah seram y'all! Hur hur.) - this package includes steam and sauna bath, body scrub, body massage, milk bath and ganggang for a period of three hours plus at $150, which is down 50% from its original price of $300++! There's another package which I thought was good but did not take because I didn't want to have to go there on three different occasions plus I'm not that much of a spa fanatic - 3-day bridal spa package with the whole beauty and pampering works segala at $399, down from its original price of $700++.

Fuh. Sungguh lumayan.

My mat even threw in a spa facial for me at the last minute - it was going for $48, instead of its usual price of $70++. Looks like I'll still have to add on an additional trip down to Spa Jelita, probably a week or two before the wedding - the staff (and a few of my girlfriends) told me that it's best to go for facials one or two weeks before the actual day. Which is ok lah, since Guthrie Building is located in the East. Kalau somewhere in the West ke, across the Causeway ke, it's ok it's alright kirim salam peluk cium and waffles A&W je, please.

(And since we're on the topic, here's my personal verdict of the exhibition: I don't know whether there were really lesser stalls and reduction in exhibition size or whether there is really a difference in atmosphere of a wedding exhibition on a Friday evening and a wedding exhibition on a Saturday afternoon, but I found this year's slightly disappointing than last year's. Might also be because I no longer have anything to really look out for so daya tarikannya not as strong as last year's hur hur hur)

Oh! I don't know if they will still have this package in their menu even after the exhibition is over, but when I was at their booth, I also saw bridal spa packages that include pampering treats for your bridesmaids! Something nice to reward your bridesmaids with if this is something up your alley (and theirs too, of course.)

I have something else that's entirely different prepared for my bridesmaids, though! It's not as awesome or as major as a spa and massage treat but I'm still pretty excited to meet all of them soon :D

Ok dah, that's all for tonight, be back to blog... soon-ish! (I have a few pending blog drafts screaming to be published. Yikes. Blog drafts pun dah pandai nak screaming screaming eh sekarang.)

yang terpantang, dan yang terlarang

Recently at Elvy's wedding, some of my girlfriends and I had a brief discussion about kepercayaan orang orang tua time dulu dulu when it comes to kahwing kahwing and one of my bride-to-be girlfriends Ellia (her wedding will be three weeks from mine!) suggested a blog entry about pantang larang for bakal pengantin Melayu.

I thought it was an interesting topic and how apt is it that Sham (who got married last weekend) recently tweeted about the 44 pantang larang Melayu for bakal pengantin via this blog?

(List is available on Wiki as well.)

Our dear Chinese friends who subscribe strongly to Chinese culture might get shivers down their spines though, because there's 44 pantang larang, haha! (For those who didn't get it, 4 is considered an unlucky number in Chinese culture because it is nearly homophonous to the word "death". I would like to point out that the person who did the blog entry numbered his/her list incorrectly though, and the total number of so-called pantang larang should be 43, and not 44.)

I reproduce some of the listed pantang larang here for sharing purposes!

Jangan keluar dengan pasangan selama 40 hari sebelum diijabkabul untuk mengelakkan tohmahan masyarakat. Selain itu ia bertujuan untuk mengawal nafsu. Ia juga untuk menimbulkan perasaan rindu dendam. Perasaan yang timbul akan membuatkan wajah pengantin lebih berseri.

Some of my friends practise this! (although their agreed period is usually lesser than 40 hari). I kind of like the idea of not seeing my mat days before our akad nikah but don't think we'll do it for 40 days before... I'm not that kuat semangat to not see my mat for more than a month haha FREAK. 

Will most probably decide on period of two or three weeks before the wedding?

(Ok this is very salah bawak ok guys, mak tak ajar eh pandai pandai sendiri tweaking pantang larang!)

Jangan tidur di rumah orang takut terkena ilmu. Ia juga untuk menjaga nama baik keluarga. Jangan bebas keluar kemana-mana kerana takut disantau oleh mereka yang mempunyai niat tidak baik.

(Well, actually, if memang ada orang dengki and memang dah nak terjadi, it can happen even if you tidur at your own place or selubung diri with selimut and duduk terperap kat rumah. I had a relative who "terkena ilmu" few months before her wedding and never recovered even after her wedding day. I know some people don't believe in such supernatural things or black magic but in order to explain it, I'll have to elaborate more on this - which I do not want to do - so let's just keep it at that.

The whole extended family tried everything - hospitals, specialists, medical experts, ustazs and ustazahs, religious people, spiritual healers, shamans, western medical treatments, laboratory tests, prayers, traditional malay therapy, you name it, we did it, we tried it, but we never found any cure or solution in time for her wedding.

Bless her (then) fiance, who refused to cancel the wedding and went ahead to nikah her (although they scrapped the sanding at pelamin part because of her condition) even though she looked like a living skeleton because she lost a lot of weight, developed dark circles around her protruding eyes, lost most of her hair, and was unable to speak or react and had to be held and moved slowly and painfully with the help and support of our family members.

She eventually passed away one week after her wedding.)

Jangan makan nasi dengan gulai berkuah beberapa bulan sebelum naik pelamin bagi mengelakkan perut buncit.

(Mamat aku kalau tak makan nasi and gulai berkuah pun memang tetap boncit seh hahahaha)

Elakkan makan ulam yang berbau busuk seperti petaidan jering.

(Especially bakal pengantin lelaki. Kalau tak, bila nak lafaz akad nikah, pengsan tok kadi nanti)

Kawal makan iaitu sekali makan setiap hari (mengikut sesetengah adat)

(In other words................................... diet lah tu.)

Elakkan terkena cahaya matahari kerana dikhuatiri hitam dan tidak berseri pada hari perkahwinan.

(Matahari no matahari both our skin memang hitam seh hahahahaha)

Jangann bercelak atau berlangir serta memotong rambut seminggu sebelum ijabkabul.

(Nooooooooooooooooo my celaaaaakkk)

Jangan buat kerja yang berat. Bila pengantin membuat kerja berat, dia akan berasa penat dan mudah terjadi nya gangguan emosi.

(Nak apply for 1 month pre-wedding leave ah gini.)

Jaga pertuturan agar tidak menimbulkan rasa sakit hati.

(Yang ni memang proven so I believe in this! So must ingat to seal my mulut dengan stapler gun once I hit the 1-year-before-wedding mark.

As it is, sepatutnya you must jaga pertuturan whether or not you're a bakal pengantin lah, because memang tak bagus to have mulut jahat or mulut takde insurance. Cuma, yelah, apakan daya... kita kan manusia, mesti ada cacat cela nya......................... HAHA alasan.)

Jangan cukur kening ditakuti akan menghilangkan seri muka.

(Planning to stop my threading sessions (and full face make-up) six months before wedding. Habis lah, next year Hari Raya must go jalan raya with my original kening all grown back... kalau aku punya original kening memang arched and cantik takpe, my original kening kalau grow back dah macam misai Anil Kapoor, tak kelakar lah sak.)

Lempar baju di atas bumbung rumah tanpa diketahui oleh orang lain bagi mengelakkan hujan turun ketika majlis berlangsung.

(Doa and sembahyang hajat je lah, nak lempar baju atas bumbung ni semua ape ke jadah, cik kak.)

Dilarang memandang cermin ketika disolek oleh juruandam kerana dikhuatiri hilang seri.

(That's it, kalau mak andam make-upkan macam The Joker pun kau won't know until it's too late.)

Kedua pengantin dilarang bercakap ketika bersanding kerana kurang manis dipandang tetamu.

(Bedek seh. Kalau pengantin tak talk to each other nanti tetamu ingatkan gaduh seh.)

Jangan makan kepala ayam nanti mengantuk masa bersanding.

(Who the hell eats kepala ayam ni?! *judgy eyes*

(And what has kepala ayam got to do with ngantukness??? Is there something inside a kepala ayam that will make you ngantok??? Is this proven by science??? Omg if this is proven by science, does this mean there is a possibility that one of the ingredients inside sleeping pills is kepala ayam?! HORROR.))

Elakkan keluar rumah tanpa tujuan kerana angan-angan yang tinggi menjelang perkahwinan dikhuatiri bakal pengantin mengalami kemalangan jika berada diluar.

(Ok this one cannot make fun eh, because this one pernah happen many times before. I think this is also considered a part of what people call "darah manis"?)

Ok I'm not a particularly superstitious person but I do try to follow or adhere to those that I personally think has its benefits, its valid reasons or those proven to be right because I think it's better to be safe than sorry when it comes to some of the pantang larang. After all, this is one of your most special days of your life we're talking about seh.

Of course the pantang larang yang obviously datang from zaman kuno and tak masuk akal or tak bawak afdhal you can, I don't know, campak je atas bumbung or something.